New Eyes

have you ever thought of the difference between seeing and looking? seeing by definition is "in view of that fact that" and looking by definition is "to turn one's eyes toward something or in some direction in order to see"

to look you must see. and to see you must be in view of the fact that...

that what?

that God's love means giving Him everything?

that she's not that good of friend?

that you really should reorganize priorities?

its easy to look at this list and think nothing of it but then you aren't really looking are you? if you were you'd see what each one is on a different level. you'd comprehend the background that gets you to that question.

there's always a reason. whether you fully see it or are just looking at it and don't see it. you can look at life pass you by but never actually see it and live it.

Matthew 28:19 says "now go and make disciples of all the nations"

anyone can look at this and read it. as long as they've passed the 3rd grade of course. but if you really see what this is saying its telling us as followers of Christ to go out into the world and tell Jesus' message. looking at the Bible simply won't do anymore. you have to see what God is telling us.

this month at my church is missions month and while i've never thought of myself of having a "missions heart" i've realized that my mission is not necessarily going all over the world and doing ministry that way but i'm being called to do missions to the teens i see every week. and its making my life an example and living the way God intended me to.

Matthew 4:18-20 Jesus tells fishermen to drop their nets and follow him. do you see what He is asking of them? He is asking that they give up their way of life to follow in God's teachings and what do these men do? they drop their nets! how can anyone look at this but not see the sacrifice?

what nets in your life have you dropped to follow God? cause we all must do it. we can't follow God with any nets still attached to us. whether that's not hanging out with certain people, or changing your lifestyle. i've learned this and i've tried to follow God with my nets in my hands and it just doesn't work. we can't be like Peter in Mark 14:54 and follow at a distance but we must drop our nets and be fully engaged in God. its all or nothing.

so now with new eyes i hope you see God and are not just looking at Him. will you drop your net and give it your all or are you not ready to let go..

because you never know what will happen tomorrow..

i hope you see that..

Thank You

looking forward to the season that is upon us i see that Thanksgiving is coming up. this makes me think of all i'm thankful for. first off, thank you Andrew for writing my most recent post. that was so nice of you.

but other than thankful for the people in my life, i am thankful to God for what he has given me lately. but also for the things he has taken from me. i did not get the internship in Ireland. that was such a heartbreak and in that moment i was angry. i started asking all the questions like why and what now? but then i calmed down and realized that this could be a blessing in disguise.

did i want to work at a church where they couldn't give me a straight answer? or that maybe the reason i didn't get it was because i was dating Andrew..so after i talked through this with friends i was reminded from a certain someone (Andrew) that now we can be together. i can call him my boyfriend now.

i then remember that before all this i told God that if he wants me in Ireland then He'll give me the internship but if He wanted me with Andrew then He won't give me the internship. and it seems we have our answer.

plus side of this is now i get to be with Andrew and go to Ireland for Christmas and New Years. so for all the things He's done for me recently i am so thankful. i asked for big obvious signs on what He wants from me and He did it. what else could i ask for?

who is the babe by my side!?

ive recently started dating the greatest guy in the world. he really is amazing. i love him. and i feel like my life wouldnt be the same without him.

he is so amazing.

This Is It

have you ever wanted something so bad you'd do anything to get it. have you ever been split in two because of this? 

finally finding the greatest person you've ever been with is amazing. he becomes your best friend and you don't know what you would do without him. knowing very well during the internship you can't date. so we had 3 more months. or so we thought...

then you find out it has to end now. because they said so. and God is calling you to ireland. so you have to tell him. you cry and you fight with God over it. you're crying so hard it hurts and then you know that God is obviously right. so you tell him. he supports you in your decision and that makes it almost harder.

cause then it just proves how great he is for you. but God is giving you this great opportunity and if God can DIE for me i can live for Him. even if that means putting on hold dating the one guy that is actually perfect for you.

so what now? i wait. anxiously. to hear for sure about the internship. 

and with him? i can't see him. its like it never happened. he was my best friend and i can't wait until i can be with him again. one year and counting...

i will miss you.

already do.

x

Never Forget

today i did my devotional on Numbers 9:4-5, 9-12. when i saw it was in Numbers i groaned a little bit because as much as i am good and enjoy math.. doesn't mean i want to read about it in the Bible. but after reading the passages i started on the discussion part and it was interesting. the passage is talking about Passover and how that let the People of Israel not forget what God had done for them. so then i got to thinking about how many times we go to God for something new and think He owes us for whatever it is thats going wrong. we never remember that He has gotten us through so much already. i sat thinking about this past summer and i realized i had been focusing on what i had done for Him. when really my trips were suppose to be about what He did for me and the people we outreached to.

i know i made a difference this summer. that can sound as conceited as you want to take it but personally i know i did a good work for God this summer. but i am more proud to talk about what He did in my life. He showed me my passion and opened so many doors for me to go into ministry. i cleaned up my life and with His help was even able to let go of some people. and with that "spring cleaning" i was able to welcome new friends and people into my life. and right now in this moment i couldn't be happier with how my life is going. so many opportunities are opening up for me and its all thanks to God's work in me this summer.

so when we look back down "memory lane" let's try to remember what God did for us instead of tallying up our accomplishments first. because without His work in us we can't do work for Him.

the devotional also talked about having an object to remind us to thank God for what He has done and will do for us. mine is a shell from Nicaragua. it reminds me of my "God moments" i had there and it also reminds me to pray for the people of the islands there. i encourage everyone to have something like this and put somewhere you always see everyday. mine is on my iHome clock right by my bed. but here is what it looks like.

having these memories of God is so important to figuring life out a little easier. it won't be terribly easy but at least with God's help you'll never be alone.

A New Discovery

the day started with waiting. waiting for mallorie to come outside. waiting for the green light. waiting for parking to clear up. waiting for class to start. then waiting for it to be over. but somewhere in all that waiting i remember back to other times i've waited for something to happen..

like when i waited for the list to be put up for volleyball teams. or when i waited for jeremy to pick me up for the prom. waiting for my name to be called for high school graduation. back when we waited for the doctor's response. then waited for God's healing. since graduation i waited to hear a calling. listened into my heart to hear what God was saying. and since then its been a wait. this summer that wait ended. i heard my calling to youth ministry. and then i waited to hear how that would go into effect.

amidst all this God waiting i had personal waiting for someone to share this with. someone who understands my passion for youth. someone who would let me put God first. and then someone shows up and steals my heart.

and now we wait even more. wait to hear where God puts me. is it Ireland? or local..waiting always happens. i pray for the right direction and someday (soon?) i will get that answer.

Second Year, 3rd Semester

Well today was the first day of my second year at Fullerton College. My schedule is jam packed this semester. I am excited to see what happens this time around at school. But I'm hoping I get the internship in Ireland so that this will be my last semester. It is such a great opportunity and I really feel I will do anything to get it. I just hope my family will understand and support me.

The classes today were simple considering it was the first day but I know this is going to be a hard semester. I hope I still have time for seeing Andrew and my friends. Also working will be a priority since I will need money to pay for the internship. Full time school and part time working is overload. Its going to be hectic but hopefully starting this blog will help me stay sane.