This Summer...

its crazy what one summer can bring. whether its endless trips around the world. or just a few weeks out of your hometown. God works in amazing ways.

one trip i've taken. went all the way back to Ireland. but this time it was for the purpose of God's calling on us to make fishers of men. besides how amazing the trip was and how God worked in every way possible i learned about myself personally.

i made decisions for myself that i could only make having experienced what i had while i was there. seeing kids grow up without a childhood brought me to decide i want to raise up my own family one day in a Godly household where they feel love and comfort and can be kids. i also learned a mother's love from my mom being there. when we were on our vacation i went out at night with a friend and i learned how much she trusts me. how many mothers would let their only daughter go out into the streets of ireland with a boy they personally don't know very well and allow them to stay out well past the am?

but not everyone needs to fly halfway round the world to experience what God has for them...

currently i am in the mountains near Lake Arrowhead at Pinecrest camp and its day 3 and i've already learned more bout myself that God wanted to tell me.  He's helped me focus on what is really important in life and what i really need to be putting my attention towards. i can't move forward in life safely if i'm constantly looking back. the speaker this week has been really good about being blunt and honest and just telling us how it is and i feel like after all my stubborness with God these past years that He is finally just saying look megan, you can't do this alone because look at the messes you've gotten into...let me help...

and you know what? its time for me to let go completely and allow God to handle it all...

so far it has been amazing! i feel complete peace about everything and i've never been so excited to read my bible. i started a 30 day reading that starts your walk with Jesus because i look at it as starting over. from this day forward i'm a new person.

but really the best part is...the best is yet to come because i still have 2 more weeks of camps to do then i start my new internship that will also be a job and then i move to my dream school...

i finally am able to walk straight forward and not stress or worry about what happened last week or 2 months ago or even a year ago...it all builds up to today and today builds up to tomorrow but God has given us today to do His will...

so at the end of summer when people ask hey how was your summer break i can honestly say it has been the best summer with God ever...

when we fix our eyes on Jesus and trust in Him, He won't take away road blocks but He will get us through them...

walking along the Peace Bridge

in Derry, Ireland

Some Days

do you ever plan for something in the future but secretly never think that day will come because it just seems so far away? i know i do. like when i was planning my month in Ireland, part of me never thought that day that i'd be getting on a plane to fly to another country would ever come...but it did. and then of course i didn't want the day to come where i had to come home.

today was one of those days. i had to say goodbye to a family that is full of the best people i know. 1 is 3, 1 is 1.5, and then their mom & dad. we were told about a month ago they'd be moving to an unheard of state and of course i tricked myself into thinking that this day might not come. that somehow God would just let today slide by and not let them go.

but no. it came. we said tearful goodbyes. and now i'm here.

and then there are some days that you can not wait for them to arrive and you wish they would be the next day. like the rest of my summer. we leave for Ireland in 8 days, then i have 3 weeks of camp when i get back. why can't all days be like those days where i just can't wait to go and do whatever it is i have planned.

some days we live for and some days we get through. today is one i am just trying to get through...

i will miss the Hanson family living 5 minutes away. but i know there are bigger and better things in Idaho for them. and God is there too. just as He is here.

Jude Hanson.

the littlest one.

with the biggest expressions.

you will still put a smile on my face.

xoxo.

My Letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus:

Congratulations! You've just received a new furry faced addition to your kingdom, she always thought she was a lion. But I feel I should warn you that she comes with a lot of responsibility:

-she only likes the smelliest wet food there is
-she goes in the fridge for up to 15 minutes (set the timer, you'll forget, believe me(
-she only wants to be petted when she wants you to pet her
-let her run her whiskers through the brush every now and then, makes her feel special
-she likes to watch tv as she dozes off, don't worry she'll watch whatever you're watching
-she purrs constantly, I don't think she ever really knew what purring meant
-she likes to go outside, except now we wish she didn't
-but she'll come back, and then want to go back out, then come back
-she likes to drink your milk from your bowl after you eat your cereal, don't worry thought she's patient and will wait for you to finish
-we always allowed her on the table when dad wasn't around, gives it  thrill for when he is around and she sneaks up there and we all act like its a shock
-if she wonders in your room and starts to stare out the window, don't question it, thats just her
-if there is sun shining in on a floor somewhere, you can bet your angels she'll be in it sprawled out as far as her muscles will allow her
-when you take your garments out of the dryer let her lay on them, she likes the warmth
-and when you're making your bed she will hide under the sheets, just continue your business and she'll purr for you
-leave bags out for her to hop on and crawl in, she's weird
-if you find fluff balls or sardine toys laying around, don't move them, she talks to them at night as if we all can't hear her, it was the cutest thing ever
-when you come home and she's asleep, she doesn't mind getting woken up for a hug, cause she'll fall right back to sleep after you've gotten your fix
-she can jump up to high places but will meow until you come get her down, she's like a cow, she can go up but can't come down
-she's not a huge shedder so don't worry too much bout that
-around Christmas time we used to like to put tape on her paws and watch her walk around all freaked out
-don't forget to remind her to send Winston holiday cards

and please don't forget how much we love and will miss our baby. take good care of her and keep her fluffy. i know her and Felix are together again. and I am excited for the day I get to join them in Heaven with You sir.

Forever yours
Megan

Timing

let's get real here for a moment. we all know that timing is everything.

whether its going to the movies.
driving somewhere.
getting in line at the store.
or meeting someone.

but what happens when that timing gets interrupted? or what you thought was good timing just turned out to be coincidental?

some things we can't plan..they just happen for us. that's God's timing. and that's when you know it's the right timing.

but how sucky is it when all of a sudden that timing isn't good anymore. like you got a taste of what it feels like to be happy again only to be reminded that it has to end.

and let's talk about how unfair it can be sometimes. you feel like you've lost someone forever then right when you feel as if you might emotionally die they fall right back into your life again. sure you know what its like to live every day without them but why does that have to happen again?

so why can't timing always be right?
or why can't things always work out how WE want them.

well my friends..its because its all apart of God's plan. and that's the only way i am able to sleep at night these days...

these next few months are the start to a whole new beginning...and its timing may not be right for some aspects of my life but for others its perfect....

and let's be honest...God knows what he's doing...even when we don't...

sweet dreams my friends
tomorrow is a new day
=]

Mother's Day

today i want to thank my mom for all she's done...like the time she...
showed me that everything will eventually go on sale
and if it doesn't that there will always be more money
or the time she let me go by myself on trips
because she knew i'd learn from it

thanks also for
allowing me to be independent
but always being there when i needed my mommy

for being there for me when the boy i loved decided he didn't love me anymore

for always being at my beckoning call
whether it was 10 o'clock and i needed my light turned off
or 6 am and i'd just had a bad dream
there was always room for me in the bed

and also for always allowing me to be the DJ in the car
and listening to whatever music i chose

thank you for listening to me sob about high school
and kicking me in the butt in college to "just pass"

thank you for taking me shopping whenever i needed to just get away
which was always
and you always paid

you are my best friend
and was there when all my friends weren't there for me
and boys were being dumb
which will never end
so i hope you're ready for that
because i never seem to be

there are a lot more things i could say
but basically thank you very everything you've done for me in the last 20 years
and thank you for everything you will do
the next years to come
for as long as God allows me to have you here

best friends

est. March 8, 1991

Slow Motion

do you ever feel like life is moving in slow motion? like you're essentially treading water... doing a lot of work and not getting anywhere fast...

and then just like that
everything snowballs and changes...

your summer is planned. money is saved for college. life is looking great.

then one announcement stops everything. your biggest influences are leaving the state. you have to say goodbye in 5 weeks. and this ripples off to some other changes. ireland is effected, camps are effected and not to mention the students. whose faces dropped and i watched their tears through my own. i'll watch their boys grow up through pictures and keep in touch over the internet. it won't be the same but it'll have to do. and of course we've already planned road trips to see them.

so now i'm back to looking forward to the summer.
the countdowns continue.
just one more is added.
and its not one i wanted to see.

this whole semester life has been moving in slow motion and last night it shifted into high gear. less than 3 weeks i graduate from FJC. then less than 2 months i go back to Ireland. and less than 4 months i move to Costa Mesa.

at some point slow motion stops and real life sets in. as Blink 182 says "well i guess this is growing up"

Learning to Move On

i think its safe to say we all know life isn't fair. this week it seemed to take a whole new level of meaning. sometimes what we want we don't get..ever. my friends are learning this and through their frustration i see that we are all impacted by it.

natural disasters for instance. and obviously most recent is Japan. sunday night we were watching footage from it and took all of me to not cry for these people. but then i heard the words in head: "break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything i am for Your kingdom's cause, as i walk from earth into eternity". God's heart is breaking for the people of Japan who died, got hurt, went missing or is now homeless from the tsunami. at first i was impressed with myself for being able to explain how it worked and why the tsunami happened but as the footage went on its not so important as to why or how it happened but what do we do not. we are all God's children and if it happened to us we would want to be helped?

then i look at my friend who just had the worst happen to him. and my heart breaks for him because i've been there. i've gone through it. yet i don't know how to help him when i'm still going through that instance myself. all i know to do is be there for him. except what happens when he doesn't allow it? its just so frustrating sometimes. this thing we call life.

and then there's friendships that die out. for whatever the reason is. it just happens.

there are so many examples of things that aren't fair in life.

but we learn to move on.
was it fair for Jesus to die on the cross for us? to take the ultimate death for us. people He didn't meet face to face 254,870 or so years ago? but He did. and then He moved on with life. sure He rose from the dead and we were all like dayumm! but anyways...

moving on is also a part of life when its not fair. sure it takes time. some more than others. but the first step is allowing yourself to accept the circumstance and then the healing begins. this past week i've learned that i'm not quite ready to move on from things or that i thought i was and i wasn't and things of that nature.

everything will be ok in the end..if its not ok its not the end...

i forget who told me this and sometimes its easier to believe than other times. because usually in those moments you feel as if your world is coming to an end. in the footage the people shot in Japan (home videos) you could hear the people saying "this is it" "this is the end" and oh my dear goodness it broke my heart that they were saying that because these people were essentially saying we are about to die. and i can't even imagine being in that mentality and truly believing it.

so life goes on. and its the lessons we learn that shape who we become. and help us move on in life and truly change the world.

"i see a generation. rising up to take its place. with selfless faith"

my friends..thats us..

Saying Goodbye

around a year ago this time i said goodbye to my best friend. she was black and white. skinny and soft with fur like a rabbit's. she knew my emotions before i expressed them and was always by my side when they came to the surface. she was a happy face to come home to everyday. someone to miss when i was away. and never had a mean word to say.

when i cried she stayed by my side.
she listened to my secrets.
and never told anyone.
she helped pick out my outfits.
and she watched matt damon movies with me.
we were inseparable.

we lived together, cried together, slept on the same pillow together, and napped together for almost 14 years. now almost a year later i still miss her meow everyday.

but like a good best friend i only wanted what was best for her. and when i saw her in pain i knew there was only one thing to do. i had to not make her suffer anymore. so through blurry eyes i said good bye to  the bestest friend a girl could have.

i am so excited to once again share a pillow with her in heaven when i see her again.
i know she's keeping it warm for me.

Felix Oreo Collard

my bestest friend

save a spot for me

In One Year...

...everything changes. i remember being younger and thinking a whole year until my next birthday seemed like FOREVER. but now that i've lived for 20 birthdays i feel like the years are just flying by. all of a sudden i have all these responsibilities. and as i stand in the shower i think back on my 20th year of life that got me to this point...and how things at this point last year were completely different than how they are now.

i've loved and lost.

i've said goodbye to a dear uncle.

i've traveled to another country.

i've grown as a spiritual leader.

i've changed my style...10 times...

i've changed the music on my itunes.

i've declared a major and minor.

i've decided on a university.

i've made up my mind on life choices.

(like marriage isn't for anyone, and is it for me?)

now as i read through that list..a lot of that is adultish things to do. when did i become a real adult? changes have been made but its taken a year to make some of them. so its natural when a change is thrusted upon me that i freak out a bit right? i need time to think it over and pray with God. so don't be mad when i say i'm just not ready.

driving home today my friend and i were discussing how we don't quite like America. so we're going to live in Europe. and then again in the shower today i was thinking about how amazing it would be to live somewhere else for an entire year. think of all that can change in another country in a year for me. thats the thought i will fall asleep to tonight. i'm not ready to quite be grown up but i am ready for small changes to start happening.

like saving money.

living in a dorm.

relieving my parents of some bills.

having a decided opinion.

continue to grow in God's word.

all these things i can do because they are the stepping stones to bigger things that i will gradually get to. like a staircase. eventually i will get to the top. its just one step at a time.

so where will i be in a year from now? who knows. but for today i know i can start dreaming of the possibilities.

the world is at my fingertips.

i just have to grab hold of it.

<3

Everything Has Changed

So in the last few months everything about my life has changed. And I am beginning to accept the fact that it is all for the better. Newly single and new opportunities, more than I even know what to do with. I've been praying about everything and God is pointing me in new directions. I guess it all started the week before I came home from Ireland...

One day I woke up and decided to cut my hair. This may not seem drastic but you have to realize my hair was near the bottom of my ribs...and I have a long torso...Got the image? Well now its to my shoulders. Why did I do this? I needed change. I wanted something different than what I was used to. And I love my hair now. Its so easy, and fun! But the next change wasn't one that I wanted. I didn't expect it and I'm still struggling with it. Becoming single against what you thought would ever happen is hard. I am beginning to see it as a good thing but still struggling with it.

Coming home a completely different person was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Everyone had questions that I just wasn't ready to answer. But some day we all have to face the music. But despite the heartbreak I was ready for my life to take on new directions so I pursued my interest in youth ministry by going to my youth pastor I intern for and asking for more responsibility. These past few months have really opened new doors for me. I got accepted to my dream school, I am being offered a leadership role at a new HUGE church close to my next school, and I am growing as an individual everyday.

I look back at 2010 and all the things that have happened and I am excited for what 2011 brings and I know God is behind all of it. I travel back to Ireland in July for a missions trip and I am excited but nervous. These next few months of FJC will fly by and before I know it I'll be moving out to Costa Mesa.

So its safe to say I'm leaving the past and moving on..and everything has changed for me..