Learning to Move On

i think its safe to say we all know life isn't fair. this week it seemed to take a whole new level of meaning. sometimes what we want we don't get..ever. my friends are learning this and through their frustration i see that we are all impacted by it.

natural disasters for instance. and obviously most recent is Japan. sunday night we were watching footage from it and took all of me to not cry for these people. but then i heard the words in head: "break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything i am for Your kingdom's cause, as i walk from earth into eternity". God's heart is breaking for the people of Japan who died, got hurt, went missing or is now homeless from the tsunami. at first i was impressed with myself for being able to explain how it worked and why the tsunami happened but as the footage went on its not so important as to why or how it happened but what do we do not. we are all God's children and if it happened to us we would want to be helped?

then i look at my friend who just had the worst happen to him. and my heart breaks for him because i've been there. i've gone through it. yet i don't know how to help him when i'm still going through that instance myself. all i know to do is be there for him. except what happens when he doesn't allow it? its just so frustrating sometimes. this thing we call life.

and then there's friendships that die out. for whatever the reason is. it just happens.

there are so many examples of things that aren't fair in life.

but we learn to move on.
was it fair for Jesus to die on the cross for us? to take the ultimate death for us. people He didn't meet face to face 254,870 or so years ago? but He did. and then He moved on with life. sure He rose from the dead and we were all like dayumm! but anyways...

moving on is also a part of life when its not fair. sure it takes time. some more than others. but the first step is allowing yourself to accept the circumstance and then the healing begins. this past week i've learned that i'm not quite ready to move on from things or that i thought i was and i wasn't and things of that nature.

everything will be ok in the end..if its not ok its not the end...

i forget who told me this and sometimes its easier to believe than other times. because usually in those moments you feel as if your world is coming to an end. in the footage the people shot in Japan (home videos) you could hear the people saying "this is it" "this is the end" and oh my dear goodness it broke my heart that they were saying that because these people were essentially saying we are about to die. and i can't even imagine being in that mentality and truly believing it.

so life goes on. and its the lessons we learn that shape who we become. and help us move on in life and truly change the world.

"i see a generation. rising up to take its place. with selfless faith"

my friends..thats us..

Saying Goodbye

around a year ago this time i said goodbye to my best friend. she was black and white. skinny and soft with fur like a rabbit's. she knew my emotions before i expressed them and was always by my side when they came to the surface. she was a happy face to come home to everyday. someone to miss when i was away. and never had a mean word to say.

when i cried she stayed by my side.
she listened to my secrets.
and never told anyone.
she helped pick out my outfits.
and she watched matt damon movies with me.
we were inseparable.

we lived together, cried together, slept on the same pillow together, and napped together for almost 14 years. now almost a year later i still miss her meow everyday.

but like a good best friend i only wanted what was best for her. and when i saw her in pain i knew there was only one thing to do. i had to not make her suffer anymore. so through blurry eyes i said good bye to  the bestest friend a girl could have.

i am so excited to once again share a pillow with her in heaven when i see her again.
i know she's keeping it warm for me.

Felix Oreo Collard

my bestest friend

save a spot for me

In One Year...

...everything changes. i remember being younger and thinking a whole year until my next birthday seemed like FOREVER. but now that i've lived for 20 birthdays i feel like the years are just flying by. all of a sudden i have all these responsibilities. and as i stand in the shower i think back on my 20th year of life that got me to this point...and how things at this point last year were completely different than how they are now.

i've loved and lost.

i've said goodbye to a dear uncle.

i've traveled to another country.

i've grown as a spiritual leader.

i've changed my style...10 times...

i've changed the music on my itunes.

i've declared a major and minor.

i've decided on a university.

i've made up my mind on life choices.

(like marriage isn't for anyone, and is it for me?)

now as i read through that list..a lot of that is adultish things to do. when did i become a real adult? changes have been made but its taken a year to make some of them. so its natural when a change is thrusted upon me that i freak out a bit right? i need time to think it over and pray with God. so don't be mad when i say i'm just not ready.

driving home today my friend and i were discussing how we don't quite like America. so we're going to live in Europe. and then again in the shower today i was thinking about how amazing it would be to live somewhere else for an entire year. think of all that can change in another country in a year for me. thats the thought i will fall asleep to tonight. i'm not ready to quite be grown up but i am ready for small changes to start happening.

like saving money.

living in a dorm.

relieving my parents of some bills.

having a decided opinion.

continue to grow in God's word.

all these things i can do because they are the stepping stones to bigger things that i will gradually get to. like a staircase. eventually i will get to the top. its just one step at a time.

so where will i be in a year from now? who knows. but for today i know i can start dreaming of the possibilities.

the world is at my fingertips.

i just have to grab hold of it.

<3